606. Hop, Skip and a Week
In New York city where no good event gets going before 9 pm,
it's a very bad sign when you get invited to something that starts at 9... am.
What are you going to say?
I'm just going to tell them that before 10 am,
as far as I'm concerned, everybody's guilty.
I figure I'll be out in no time.
Well, as long as I'm down here,
I'm going to head over to J&R to look at some computer chips.
When you get off, call me. We'll meet up do something.
Well, aren't you going to write today?
What does that mean?
It doesn't mean anything. It was just a question.
What did you think I was going to do?
Sit on my ass all day? Slack off?
No, I didn't mean it like that.
Look, it's early.
Right, it's early.
And it's also a very bad sign
when a couple is fighting before 9 am.
You know what we need right now? A Hollywood kiss.
Here? We have coffee.
Come on. I'll kiss.
I'll see you later. I love you / Ok
I love you too. Wish me luck.
Hang 'em all.
Hi. I hope you can help me with this.
I feel terrible but I don't think that I can serve jury duty today.
You see, I work for myself as a freelance writer,
and no one can cover for me.
Welcome to jury duty.
Meanwhile another woman was having trouble juggling her duties
Oh, is it 8:30 already?
Don't say "ass".
I'm, uh, I'm going to be a little late tonight, work stuff.
It's Ok, Brady.
Mommy's just got to go to work.
He just misses Mom.
Oh, look at that. Yes. Say bye-bye.
Bye bye, Mommy.
No no, it's not big deal
Bye bye, Brady.
Along with her coffee, feeling guilty have become a part of Miranda's daily routine.
Let me help you, darling. / Thanks Lenore.
You have done such a wonderful job with this event.
Macaroom's on the outside, dear.
I just hope people will enjoy it.
I'm sure they will.
Charlotte had been guilted into joining the synagogue sisterhood society.
Now I know since Harry puh, puh, puh...
You've been coming to temple alone
The break-up was bad news for you
but good news for me.
Hence... good news for you!
Lenore, what are you saying over there?
I have someone for you.
Now I know, I don't look old enough to have a son your age but
I have two single sons both perfect for you.
Ah-ha, Barbara, I told you I wanted to fix her up with my David.
Charlotte may have been there to arrange the cookies
but Barbara, Elaine and Lenore were there to arrange her next marriage.
Meanwhile, Samantha had used her pushiness to parlay her new man's hit off-broadway show
into a hot on-broadway poster.
Well, that's the first thing every woman in town will be saying after she sees it.
And that's the second.
And honey, I'm not even sure the poster does you justice.
Come on! My dick's like 3 stories long.
The way God had Madison avenue intended!
Sometimes when you're sitting on a jury,
it may seem as if all you're doing is a lot of waiting around.
but to the contrary, the catalyst for the resolution of the lawsuit is
the fact that you're there ready to hear the evidence and
render a verdict.
You're not just sitting around but
rather playing an indispensible role in our justice system.
But now let's take a look at the flow of a typical trial.
Whether you're serving on a civil or criminal trial,
there's a general procedure that is followed.
You may hear opening statements by the opposing attorneys,
each presenting their sides of the dispute.
This is not evidence
It's just so weird!
I mean, a mango wasn't even a fruit you can buy into.
I do believe it is the oddest thing you can pull out of a briefcase.
Except for pineapples.
The moment he pulls out a pineapple,I want you to call me.
Charlotte, what are you doing?
Why are we hiding?
I'm on the worst date of my life!
Honey, I'm so sorry.
This woman from the temple set me up with her son
and he's awful! You have to help me.
Call me on your cell phone and tell me something bad happened.
Then I'll rush out.
Ok, then when the guy leaves I'll call you,
you'll come back in with us. /Yes!
We've been dating a long time. We have contingency plans.
I asked for more bread but they haven't brought it yet.
Oh, I'm sorry. I wouldn't normally get that but maybe something bad happened.
Hey, Charlotte, it's me. Something bad happened.
Something bad happened?!
I know it was going to be terrible.
The man brought me carnations.
Wait, hold up! The man brought you flowers?!What~ an asshole!
Not flowers, carnations!
What's so wrong with carnations?
Uck, the filler flowers.
Would you dump a guy if I brought you carnations?
Me? No, but I happened to like carnations, especially the pink ones.
In fact, I think they're making a comeback.
I would, however, throw away a guy for wearing dark siders or top-siders or any of the above.
No, those are cute!
So, basically guys are just fucked.
No, that's not true.
None of that matters with the right guy.
Harry was bald and he talked with his mouth full.
but I loved him anyway.
Right. Because he didn't bring you filler flowers.
No... becaue I loved him.
Of course you did, sweetie. You don't say that to her.
Oh, I'm sorry. I was just trying to be funny.
Well, it wasn't funny.
Yeah, it wasn't funny, I'm a slacker.
I guess if I wear a top side, I wouldn't be here.
Good evening. You folks are ready to order?
Let's see, um,...
I'm going to start with goat cheese salad and
then I'll have the tuna but, sir,
can you make sure there's no parsley on anything?
I'm just really allergic. Not even a sprinkling ever on the plate.
Hey, you got her. No parsley.
and, can... actually can, uh,...
can you ask the chef if the marinade for the tuna has parsley in it?
Because if it does I should probably change my order.
I'll go check/ Thank you.
You're not allergic.
You're not allergic.
I don't like it!
Why don't you just say that?
Because when I say that, parsley somehow,
magically appears on the plate and I feel bad
because I have to send it back.
You didn't even order something that usually comes with parsley.
It comes with everything.
You know what? Guys, I actually have to
I... I totally forgot I... I have to
Charlotte decided to leave her second bad date of the night.
Uh, you can just drop us at the corner of uh 73rd and Madison. Thanks
Whoa, actually, can you go around at 73rd between Park and Madison?Thank you.
I'm in heels.
I can't believe you put me down in front of your friend.
I didn't put you down.
Oh, okay, great.
Now you're going to tell me what I feel?
I'm not telling you what you feel.
Ah, here we go again.
What's going on with us?
When did you stop being on my side?
When did you stop being on my side?
This isn't working.
I think we should take a break.
Are you serious?
I think we need some time apart.
Well, nothings haven't been great but...
How long have you been thinking about this?
Right up here's fine.
At third brown, stand on the right.
Ah no, actually wait. There's going to be 2 stops.
Wait, you want to take the break starting now?
I thought you would at least come up and we need to talk.
I... I don't need to talk.
Ok? I need some time to think.
Well, how much time?
About a week?
I'm going to go out to my Hamptons house.
I just need some distance.
sort through stuffs. Is that okay?
I'm supposed to decide what I feel about this with the meter runnung?
Yeah, okay. Go.
I'll call you when I get back.
Well, thanks for dinner!
I knew we were having problems but a break?
What am I? Some horrible job he needs to get away from?
A break isn't always a bad thing.
Oh, come on it's a hop, skip and a week from a break up.
Or it's the thing that saves you from saying the things that you wish you could take back
but you can't!
If Harry and I had taken a break, then maybe I wouldn't be out on blind dates again.
Hey, remember when a break was a good thing?
Spring break, coffee break,...
Now it's break-up.
They keep getting worse. What's next?
You know what I think?
I think "Don't do that. "
Well, I'm sorry I'm upset.
Well, don't be.
You'll be even more upset when your faces are all lined.
As far as I'm concerned, the test of a good relationship is
are you like this... or like this...?
That is the test of a good relationship? / Um-hmm.
Or good dermatologists
Make fun but a bump in the road is never good.
And you shouldn't bother staying around to find out how not good.
Well, it's not all frowns.
Berger and I have a lot of good stuff too. It's complicated.
Complicated by the fact that the man had to go all the way to Long Islandto think this through.
Maybe you can send him a postcard!
That is the most blatant agenda pushing I have ever seen.
And the most effective.
I just wish I knew what he was thinking.
Oh, who cares? Look at his pegs.
I meant Berger.
It's so frustrating. What am I supposed to do?
Just sit around, waiting to find out whether he chooses me?
I'm doing that all day at Jury duty and it sucks!
Here's an idea.
Why don't you use this time to think about what you want.
Remember you? What do you want?
The next day I got to thinking about trials and trial separations.
In a court room, a jury decides the outcome.
In a relationship, the victims have to decide their own fate.
How can 2 people mired in the mess ever figure it out?
Do we need distance to get close?
Sorry. Cab gridlock situation.
They should rename the west side highway the no way highway.
Ah... let me just pull out my files on the McKenzie case.
We're not here to discuss the McKenzie case.
I'm sorry then. What is this meeting about?
It's been noted recently that you've been lateto important meetings and struggling to handle your case late.
I'm sorry, Maurice. I don't know what you mean.
I was late today, but... / Actually,
you've been late rather frequently. There was
the deposition last Tuesday and the motion hearing last Friday
and you left early on Monday
Way to watch my back, Fern.
I understand it's been difficult.
With the new baby and all.
No problem. Won't happen again.
But let me say as far as the McKenzie brief, Miranda Hobbs' kicking ass.
Where I'm doing a bad job is at home.
So, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do.
And may I remind you that when my mother died, I was back in the officeon Monday.
Guess what I'm drinking.
An absolute hunk. Your drink!
And you're delici...
Take off that ski cap.
Let people see you.
I don't want people to see me.
Everybody's giving me shit about the poster.
Oh, you're insane. People love it!
Not my people.
My cellular buddies are pissed that I'm shelling for liquor company.
My acting class thinks I'm a sell.
My Ma's running around every grocery store in Seattle
hiding magazines so my 96 year old grand mother doesn't see my dick.
Drunks, nobodies, prudes.
And I just don't see where this is going.
For one thing, I was getting auditions.
But nothing's happening.
I'm sorry to bother you but
Are you the absolute hunk?
Yes! He is!
I just wanted to say that my friends and I are huge, huge fans.
It's working! What did I tell you?
How dose those guys toasting me mean my acting career's happening?
First come the gays then the girls
Then... the industry.
Cheers / Cheers
And speaking of absolute gay,
Charlotte was on a lunch date with Yenta number 2's son.
So... I mean I guess I just knew it wasn't going to work out.
I mean I like practicing falatis but I don't want to talk about it at all day with my significant other.
And... what are you looking for exactly in a
Look.... We don't need to do this.
I mean you know I'm gay.
I know I'm gay.
The only person who doesn't know I'm gay is my mother.
So do you really want to know what my type is?
I know him!
Could you introduce me?
Actually he's straight.
My brother will be so disappointed. We're obsessed with him.
You went out with Fagel and Miskite and you can't go out with my David?
It's just these blind dates are so...
Hey, not so blind!
I showed David your picture from the last newsletter
and he thought you were a knockout!
Well, that's nice.
I told him you'd be at the next single in Mingle night at the temple
You could meet there.
He's a looker! My David.
Now I know most people say that about their childeren but he is.
and he's even better looking in person.
So you'll meet him.
Never had braces. Can you imagine?
Some people are bullied into blind dating
Charlotte was bubbied.
Is he still awake?
No, no, no.
The boy got to sleep an hour ago.
Great! It's great!
Well, I just guess I can stay here and get back to my work then.
That night the only thing Miranda put to bed was the McKenzie brief.
The next day the verdict was in.
Century 21, the downtown discount store was the best part of jury duty.
I'm with 2 men in plaid pants and I'm carrying a 9 iron.
Greetings from California.
Ah, you think that's bad? I'm discount shopping.
What are you doing golfing?
I'm just in it for the scotch afterwards.
How are things?
Ah, pretty good so far. I found the most unbelievable Enamel Anary(?) dress
and a Dolce Camono (?).
I meant in your life.
Tricks are for kids.
So how's it going with that guy, hot dog?
Berger. Why do you ask?
Because we're friends and
friends ask other friends how things are in their lives.
besides I don't tee off another for 10 minutes.
Ah, we're great! Great!
Moved in together yet?
Um... actually we're taking it slow.
What's that mean?
Well, we're kind of taking a break.
You're taking a break?
A little break.
I don't know why I told him. I think I crumbled under questioning.
You haven't been together that long. What are you taking a break from?
Well, sometimes a person needs a little space.
From you? This guy must be crazy.
Spoken by the man who moved 3,000 miles away.
You know, a break can be a very good thing.
As long as you're alright with it.
I am very okay with it. In fact...
You're breaking up.
No, we're not! Berger and I will figure... / No, your cell phone is...
breaking up. I can hardly hear you.
With an armful of discount clothing, I realized I could no longer discount my feelings.
I decided to rent a car
and drive the distance to get closer to Berger.
I paid 187 dollars to drive 40 feet.
What did I think I was going to do?
Badger my boyfriend into being with me?
Well, that's one option.
I just keep thinking you know if I, if I stick with it,...
just try a little harder... / Carrie.
You know how much I like Berger but come on.
No one can accuse you of not having tried.
You did good.
I mean Berger can be...
insecure and somtimes he shuts down but
but he's also smart and funny like
he made up this thing,...
this, this Holywood kiss thing
whenever we're being pissy with each other
we did this fake Hollywood kiss bit.
That makes us laugh.
You guys need a bit?
I know. It isn't working.
Why is it so hard to admit that?
God, I've got to break up with him.
If he ever comes back.
Oh look here. Here's the mommy.
Ok, Got him. How was your bed?
Magda, see you late tomorrow. Thank you for everything.
It's okay. /Don't cry. Magda will be back tomorrow.
Hey, I missed you today.
How are you? / Bye bye, Brady.
No no crying. Oh you darling. Bye bye.
What's wrong with him?
Oh, he'll be fine. He just misses his mommy.
Magda. It's okay.
The next day Miranda decided to do something about that.
We both know that this isn't working.
and as much as I would like it to, it's not just going to magically change.
What are you saying?
I can't keep working like this.
I'm going to have to cut way back.
To 50 hours a week.
That night Miranda was there to put Brady to bed.
but there would still be times when she wouldn't be around.
so Miranda found a way to be... around.
And at bus stops, all around town
Everybody in New York thinks I'm an asshole.
If you're going to be in this businessyou're going to have to be a lot more thick skinned than this.
What business? Naked hustle business?
Ok, I understand you're upset but you're going to have to take a step backwards
and see the big picture!
I need some time to think. I'll see you later.
Stop right there.
So there's a bump on the road.
You can't bail the minute things get rough.
Now trust me. This will all work out.
What if you're wrong?
There it was. A frown.
Or as close to a frown as Samantha and her dermatologist doctor Petersonwould allow.
Oh my God! Look! There he is! The absolute hunk!
What did I tell you? First, the gays, now the girls!
A hop, skip and a week later, the industry followed.
Gus Fiansent offered Smith a part of a model / hustler / junkie in his latest movie.
which he happily accepted.
So you grew up in Connecticut? I went to school there.
Really? Where did you go?
Yale. / Oh
Something wrong with Yale?
No, no, it's just...
Charlotte knew how silly she sounded
The problem wasn't that David went to Yale.
The problem was... he wasn't Harry.
You're really nice and
in fact... you're perfect.
but for where I am right now, you might as well be a gay man with carnations.
I'm just not ready to date.
You want to go back to my apartment in that sense?
Well, I think it was worth asking.
Okay. I think I'm going to head out. Bye.
This blows! The only cute guy just left.
All that's left is the fatties and the baldies.
Charlotte could only hope that one of the baldies was her baldie.
Out of all the synagogues and all the cities, you had to walk into mine.
How you've been?
I miss you.
And... being away from you just only made it all the more clear how much I love you.
Charlotte / Wait!
Let me finish.
I don't care if you ever marry me.
I just want to be with you.
I would be lucky... to have you.
So if you can find some way to forgive me, if you could just call me,
or just ask me out again.
Well, that's not good enough.
Will you marry me?
Yes, I'll marry you.
I am so coming back next week!
It wasn't a pineapple but it was just as weird.
and there was only one other person who would really appreciate it.
At that moment,
I knew I wasn't ready to let Berger go.
Ok, people. You're released.
Who is it?
It's me. I'm back.
Oh, well, come on up.
When it comes to a trial, you have to listen to the evidence.
But when it comes to the trials of love, you have to listen to your heart.
I didn't know what Berger's verdict would be
but I knew mine.
I hear they're making a come-back.
Hey, Berger. I know things have been bad but I really think... / I know.
I love you, Carrie.
I want to try to make this work.
Hey, you're never going to believe it. Do you know the mango guy?
He pulled out... / A pineapple?
Ah... so close.
606. Hop, Skip and a Week