101. Sex and the City (Pilot)
(Open on Computer Screen- words being typed as said:)
CARRIE: (Voice-over): Once upon a time, an English journalist came to New York ..
(Cut to: Young woman sitting in cab)
… Elizabeth was attractive and bright and right away she hooked up with one of the city’s typically eligible bachelors
(Cut to: New York Office, Tim is on the phone)
TIM: The question remains: ‘Is this really a company we want to own?’
CARRIE: (Voice-over): Tim was 42. A well-liked and respected investment banker who made about 2 million a year….
(Cut to gallery opening)
….They met one evening in typical New York fashion at a gallery opening
TIM: (pointing at a painting) Like it?
ELIZABETH: Yes actually, I think its quite interesting (laughs) What?
TIM: I feel like I I I know you from somewhere?
ELIZABETH: Doubtful, I only just moved here from London.
TIM: London? Really? That’s my all time favourite city!
ELIZABETH: (Sarcastic) Oh! It is?
CARRIE (Voice-Over): It was love at first sight
ELIZABETH: You know. I think perhaps I have met you somewhere before
(Cut to Driving Range: Elizabeth hitting golf ball, with Tim guiding her with his arms around her)
CARRIE (Voice-Over) For 2 weeks they snuggled…
(Cut to romantic restaurant holding hands)
(Cut to their feet playing footsie)
…went to romantic restaurants…
(Cut to them in bed)
…had wonderful sex, and shared their most intimate secrets.
(Cut to outside of NY Town house with a ‘For Sale’ sign up)
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) One warm Spring day he took her to a town house he saw in Sundays ‘New York Times’
(Cut to inside the house)
REALTOR: How about if we start at the top and work our way down? There are 4 bedrooms upstairs. Do you have any children?
TIM: Not yet! (Tim and Elizabeth both laugh)
(Cut to outside on the street)
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) That day Tim popped the question
TIM: How would you like to have dinner with my folks Tuesday night?
ELIZABETH: I’d love to! (They hug)
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) On Tuesday he called with some bad news
(Cut to Tim’s Office)
TIM: (on phone) My mother’s not feeling very well
(Cut to Elizabeth’s apartment)
ELIZABETH: (on the other end of the line) Well gosh! I’m sorry
TIM: (his office) Could we take a raincheck?
ELIZABETH: (her apartment) Of course. Tell your Mum I hope she feels better.
(Cut to looking into Elizabeth’s apartment through the window during a rainstorm, Elizabeth is pacing in the room)
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) When she hadn’t heard from him for 2 weeks she called:
ELIZABETH: (on phone) Tim, its Elizabeth, that’s an awfully long rain check!
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) He said he was up to his ears and that he’d call her the next day
(Cut to Elizabeth sitting in a cafe with Carrie)
ELIZABETH: He never did call of course! Bastard!…
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) she told me one day over coffee…
ELIZABETH: I don’t understand. In England, looking at houses together would have meant something
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) Then I realised no-one had told her about the end of love in Manhattan (Carrie in picture stubs out cigarette)
(Cut to view of street at night)
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) Welcome to the age of “uninnocence”. No one has ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’, and no one has ‘Affairs to Remember’…
(Pan to Carrie sitting at her computer through a window)
Instead we have breakfast at 7am, and affairs we try to forget as quickly as possible.
(Camera moves to inside her apartment)
(Typed on computer and spoken) Self-protection and closing the deal are paramount. Cupid has flown the co-op. (Talking to camera) How the hell did we get into this mess?
(Pan to NY street during the day Carrie is walking down the street)
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) There are thousands, maybe tens of thousands of women like this in the city. We all know them and we all agree they’re great. They travel, they pay taxes, they’ll spend $400 on a pair of Minolo Blahnik strappy sandals and they’re alone.
(Carrie picks up newspaper)
To camera: It’s like the riddle of the Sphinx. Why are there so many great-unmarried women, and no great-unmarried men?
(Pan to newspaper. Column title reads ‘Sex and the City’ by Carrie Bradshaw with Carries photo underneath)
I explore these sorts of issues in my column and I have terrific sources – my friends
(Newspaper headline reads ‘Unmarried Women, Toxic Bachelors)
(Cut to Gym)
MAN 1: When you’re a young guy in your twenties, women are controlling the relationships. By the time you’re an eligible man in your thirties you feel like you’re being devoured by women. Suddenly the guys are holding all the chips. I call it a mid-thirties power flip
(Freeze frame, subtitles read: Peter Mason – Advertising Executive – Toxic Batchelor)
MAN 2: It’s all about age and Biology. I mean if you wanna get married, it’s to have kids, right? And you don’t wanna do it with someone older than 35 ‘cos then you have to have kids right away and that’s about it. I think these women should just forget about marriage and have a good time.
(Freeze frame, subtitles read: Capote Duncan, Publishing Executive – Toxic Batchelor)
(Cut to Miranda picking up salad in a delicatessen)
MIRANDA: I have a friend, who’s always gone out with extremely sexy guys and just had a good time. One day she woke up and she was 41. She couldn’t get any more dates. She had a complete physical breakdown. Couldn’t hold on to her job and had to move back to Winsconsin to live with her mother
(Freeze frame, subtitles read: Miranda Hobbes Esq – Corporate Lawyer – Unmarried woman)
Trust me, this is not a story that makes men feel bad
(Cut to Charlottes apartment)
CHARLOTTE: Most men are threatened by successful women. If you want to get these guys, you have to keep your mouth shut and play by the rules.
(Freeze frame, subtitles read: Charlotte York – Art dealer – Unmarried woman)
(Cut to Skippers apartment)
SKIPPER: I totally believe that love conquers all. Sometimes you just have to give it a little space, and that’s exactly what is missing in Manhattan – the space for romance
(Freeze frame, subtitles read: Skipper Johnston – Website creator – Hopeless Romantic)
(Cut to Peter Mason, rock climbing)
PETER: The problem is expectations. Older women don’t want to settle for what’s available.
(Cut to Central Park, Miranda eating lunch)
MIRANDA: By the time you reach your mid thirties you think:‘Why should I settle?’ You know?
(Cut to Charlotte’s Flat)
CHARLOTTE: It’s like the older we get the more we keep self-selecting down to a smaller and smaller group
(Cut to rock climbing)
PETER: What women really want is Alec Baldwin
CAPOTE: There’s not one woman in NY who hasn’t turned down ten wonderful guys ‘cos they were too short, or too fat or too poor
(Cut to Central Park)
MIRANDA: I have been out with some of those guys, the short, fat poor ones. It makes absolutely no difference. They’re just as self-centred and unappreciative as the good-looking ones
(Cut to rock climbing)
PETER: Why don’t these women just marry a fat guy? Why don’t they just marry a big fat tub of lard?
(Cut to restaurant with Miranda, Samantha, Charlotte and Carrie all sitting round a table; A group of transvestites are carrying a cake over to the table singing:
Happy Birthday dear Miranda, Happy birthday to you!
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) Another thirty something birthday with a group of unmarried female friends…
(Miranda blows out the candles)
… We would all have preferred a nice celebratory conference call
MIRANDA: You were saying?
SAMANTHA: Look, you’re a successful saleswoman in this city. You have two choices: you can bang your head against the wall and try and find a relationship or you can say SCREW ‘EM, and just go out and have sex like a man
CARRIE: (frowning) you mean with dildos?
SAMANTHA: Noooo. I mean without feeling!
(Freeze frame, subtitles read: Samantha Jones – Public Relations Executive – Unmarried woman)
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) Samantha Jones was a NY inspiration. A PR Executive she routinely slept with good looking guys in their twenties
SAMANTHA: Remember that guy I was going out with? Oh god! What was his name? Drew?
CARRIE: Drew the sex god!
SAMANTHA: Right well afterwards, I didn’t feel a thing. It was like: ‘Hey babe, gotta go, catch ya later’ and I completely forgot about him after that
CARRIE: But are you sure that isn’t just because he didn’t call you?
SAMANTHA: Sweetheart, this is the first time in the history of Manhattan that women have had as much money and power as men plus the equal luxury of treating men like sex objects
MIRANDA: Yeah, except men in this city fail on both counts. I mean, they don’t wanna be in a relationship with you but as soon as you only want them for sex they don’t like it. All of a sudden they can’t perform the way they’re supposed to!
SAMANTHA: That’s when you dump them!
CARRIE: Come on ladies, are we really that cynical? What about romance?
SAMANTHA & MIRANDA: ehhhh who needs it?
MIRANDA: It’s like that guy Jeremiah, the poet. I mean the sex was incredible but then he wanted to read me his poetry and go out to dinner and the whole chat bit and I’m like lets not even go there.
CHARLOTTE: What are you saying? Are you saying that you’re just going to give up on love?
CHARLOTTE: That’s just sick
CARRIE: You believe me, the right guy comes along and you two right here, the whole thing (whistles) right out the window
CHARLOTTE: That’s right! (pointing at Samantha and Miranda)
SAMANTHA & MIRANDA: No
SAMANTHA: Listen to me, the right guy is an illusion, you don’t understand that, you can’t start living your life
CARRIE: So you think it’s really possible to pull off this whole women having sex like men thing?
SAMATNHA: You’re forgetting ‘The Last Seduction’
CARRIE: You’re obsessed with that movie
MIRANDA: Okay Linda Fiorentino fucking that guy up against the chain link fence
SAMANTHA: and never having one of those ‘Oh my god. What have I done?’ epiphanies
CHARLOTTE: I hated that movie
(Cut to Carrie’s apartment. She’s typing on her computer)
CARRIE (Voice-Over): Was it true? Were women in NY really giving up on love and throttling up on power?
(To camera) What a tempting thought
(Cut to restaurant. Carrie is having lunch with Stanford Blatch)
STANFORD: You know I’m beginning to think the only place one can still find love and romance in NY is the gay community. It’s straight love that’s become closeted
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) Stanford Blatch was one of my closest friends. He was the owner of a talent agency who at the moment was down to a single client.
(To Stanford): So are you telling me you’re in love?
STANFORD: How could I possibly sustain a relationship? You know Derek takes up like a thousand per cent of my time
CARRIE: Don’t you think you’re being a little obsessive?
STANFORD: Carrie, I’m a passionate person. His career is all I care about. I have to put my personal life on hold. When that’s under control, then I can concentrate on my personal life
CARRIE: Stanford, he’s an underwear model
STANFORD: With a billboard in Times Square. Oh my god, don’t look turn around. The loathe of your life is at the bar
(Carrie turns around to see a man sitting at the bar)
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) It was Kurt Harrington, a mistake I made when I was 26…. And 29…. And 31
STANFORD: Carrie, don’t even go there
CARRIE: What? Do you think I’m a masochist?? The man is scum.
STANFORD: Good, because I don’t have the patience to clean up this mess for the fourth time
CARRIE: Will you relax? I don’t have a shred of feeling left.
STANFORD: Thank God!
CARRIE: Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to visit the ladies room
CARRIE: (To camera, walking away from their table towards the bar) It was true, I no longer felt a thing for Kurt. After all these years I finally saw him for what he was: a self-centred, withholding creep who was still the best sex I ever had in my life. However I did have a little experiment in mind (Stops at bar next to Kurt) (On screen) Kurt, wow! What are you doing here?
KURT: Hey babe (Kisses her on cheek) God you look gorgeous
CARRIE: Thanks. So how’s life?
KURT: Not bad, can’t complain. You?
CARRIE: Oh you know, still writing the column. The usual. So, you seeing anyone special?
KURT: Not really, you?
CARRIE: Oh just a couple guys. Well you look good though
KURT: So do you
(Stanford is waving frantically at Carrie mouthing Nooooo!)
CARRIE: Sooo what are you doing later?
KURT: I thought you weren’t talking to me for the rest of your life?
CARRIE: Who said anything about talking?
KURT: (Laughs) What do you say to my place, three o’clock?
CARRIE: All right, see ya there
(Carrie walks back to the table)
STANFORD: Are you out of your mind? What the hell do you think you’re doing?
CARRIE: Oh, calm down, its research.
(Cut to Kurt’s apartment, panning across clothes on floor to bed)
CARRIE: Oh God, Oh Kurt
(Voice-Over) Kurt was just like I remembered, better because this time there would be none of that messy emotional attachment
(Carrie lies down against the pillow and sighs; Kurt comes up from under sheet)
KURT: All righty, my turn!
CARRIE: Oh sorry, I have to go back to work
KURT: What? Are you kidding? You’re serious?
CARRIE: Oh yeah, completely. But I’ll give you a call. Maybe we can do this again sometime? (Kisses him on the forehead)
KURT: Yeah, but….
(Carrie gets up)
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) As I began to get dressed, I realized that I’d done it. I’d just had sex like a man.
(Kurt lies back on pillow looking bewildered)
(Cut to Carrie walking down the street)
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) I left feeling powerful, potent and incredibly alive. I felt like I owned this city. Nothing and no-one could get in my way
(Man bumps into Carrie knocking her bag off her arm, and the contents go everywhere. Carrie tries to retrieve everything; the man just carries on walking. Another man stops and picks up her lipstick and some condoms and hands them to her. Carrie stands up)
CARRIE: (Voice-Over): Number 1: he’s very handsome
MAN: (On Screen) There ya go
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) Number 2: he's not wearing a wedding ring, and number 3: he knows I carry a personal supply of ultra textured Trojans with a reservoir tip
(On Screen) Thanks a lot
(Carrie walks on, turning to look back at points. He waves and watches her, then turns around and keeps walking – they walk off in different directions)
(Cut to a cafe)
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) Later that night Skipper Johnston met me for coffee and confessed a shocking intimate secret
(Skipper walks over to their table carrying coffees, Carrie takes hers)
CARRIE: Thank you
SKIPPER: Do you know, it’s been like a year?
CARRIE: (Looking shocked) Really? I don’t understand that. You’re such a nice guy
SKIPPER: That’s the problem. I'm too nice, you know? I'm a romantic. I just have so much feeling
CARRIE: Are you sure you’re not gay?
SKIPPER: No. I’m sensitive and I don’t objectify women. You know most guys, when they meet a girl for the first time, the first thing that they see is.. um.. you know
SKIPPER: Oh god. Oh! (Carrie giggles) I hate that word. Don’t you have any friends that you can hook me up with?
CARRIE: They’re too old for you
SKIPPER: I like older women
CARRIE: Maybe, maybe my friend Miranda
CARRIE: Tomorrow night. We’re all going downtown to this club ‘Chaos’
SKIPPER: Great! … Don’t tell her I'm nice
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) Miranda was going to hate Skipper. She'd think he was mocking her with his sweet nature
(Cut to Carrie’s apartment from outside, Carrie is walking around)
and decide he was an asshole, (The phone rings) the way she had decided all men were assholes
(Answers phone) Hello
(In this phone conversation, the scene flips between Carrie and Charlotte’s apartments)
CHARLOTTE: Hey Carrie, it's Charlotte
CARRIE: Hey sweetie
CHARLOTTE: Hey, look I can’t meet you guys for dinner tomorrow night because I have an amazing date.
CARRIE: With who?
CHARLOTTE: Capote Duncan. He's supposedly some big shot in the publishing world. Do you know him?
CARRIE: (to camera) Did I know him? He was one of the city’s most ‘ungettable’ bachelors
CHARLOTTE: Wait, don’t even answer that question because frankly I don’t care and another thing I’m not buying into any of that women having sex like men crap
CARRIE: (To camera) I didn’t want to tell her about my afternoon of cheap and easy sex and how good it felt. (On phone) All right. Listen, have a good time and promise to tell me everything
CHARLOTTE: Well if you’re lucky! Bye
CARRIE: All right, bye
(Cut to in the nightclub ‘Chaos’)
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) Friday night at Chaos. It was just like that bar in Cheers where everybody knows your name, except here they were likely to forget it 5 minutes later
(Carrie waves across bar)
Still it was the crème de la crème of NY whipped into a frenzy. Sometimes you got a soufflé, sometimes cottage cheese
(Cut to Miranda and Skipper sitting at the bar)
MIRANDA: It is like a model bomb exploded in this room tonight. Is there a woman here aside from me who weighs more than 100 pounds?
SKIPPER: I know! It's like Undereaters Anonymous
MIRANDA: That’s funny Skippy
MIRANDA: I have this theory that men secretly hate pretty girls because they feel like they’re the ones that rejected them in high school
SKIPPER: Right, but if you’re not part of the ‘Beauty Olympics’ you can still become a very interesting person
MIRANDA: Are you saying that I’m not pretty enough?
SKIPPER: No no no. Or course you are
MIRANDA: So ipso facto I'm can't be interesting. Women either fall into one of two categories: beautiful and boring, or homely and interesting? Is that what you’re saying to me?
SKIPPER: No, that’s not what I meant
MIRANDA: Excuse me, is this your hand on my leg?
SKIPPER: (Moves it away) No
MIRANDA: All right, let’s just keep them where I can see ‘em. All right? Well I guess you must find me beautiful… or interesting
(Cut to Carrie, walking through the bar)
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) I was just about to rescue Skipper from an increasingly hopeless situation when suddenly
KURT: Lucky me! Twice in one week (Kisses Carrie)
CARRIE: Well I don’t know if you're going to be getting that lucky
KURT: You know I was really pissed off the way you left the other day
CARRIE: You were?
KURT: Yeah. Then I thought – how great! You finally understand the kind of relationship I really want and now we can have sex without commitment
CARRIE: Yeah right, I guess. So whenever I feel like it I’ll give you a call
KURT: Yeah please, I mean WHENEVER you feel like it. If I'm alone, I'm all yours
CARRIE: Right (giggles)
KURT: I like this new you, call me
CARRIE: Yup (looks depressed)
(Voice-Over) I didn’t understand
(Kurt goes up to another woman and kisses her)
Did all men secretly want their women promiscuous and emotionally detached? And if I was really having sex like a man why didn’t I feel more in control?
SAMANTHA: (Coming up to Carrie) You see that guy? He's the next Donald Trump except he's younger and much better looking
(Camera pans to the guy who picked up Carrie’s stuff in the street, who waves at Carrie)
CARRIE: (Waves back) Hi
SAMANTHA: You know him?
CARRIE: No. I’ve never seen him in my life
SAMANTHA: He usually only dates models, but hey I'm as good-looking as a model plus I own my own business
(Samantha walks over to the guy)
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) Samantha had the kind of self-deluded confidence that caused men like Ross Perot to run for President and it usually got her what she wanted
SAMANTHA: Well if you're not gonna hit on him, I will
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) and there she's went, off to take her best shot with Mr Big
(Camera follows Samantha walk over to Big)
(Cut to Charlotte and Capote)
Meanwhile Charlotte York was passing the most splendid evening with Capote Duncan
CAPOTE: Wanna come back to my place and see the Ross Blechner?
CHARLOTTE: I’d love to, but it's really getting late
CAPOTE: No problem
CHARLOTTE: What year was it painted again?
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) :Though Charlotte was determined to play hard to get, she didn’t want to end the evening too abruptly.
CHARLOTTE: Well, maybe just for a minute
(They walk off together, Capote with his arm around Charlotte)
(Cut to Capote’s apartment)
CHARLOTTE: (Looking at painting) This could easily go for a hundred grand. Ross is so hot right now. It's beautiful
CAPOTE: No you're beautiful (Starts to kiss her neck)
CHARLOTTE: (Pulling away) Thank you for tonight
CHARLOTTE: I had a wonderful time
CAPOTE: Well, it was my pleasure (They turn to kiss each other, but Charlotte pulls away)
CHARLOTTE: I have to get up really early tomorrow
CAPOTE: I’ll get you a cab
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) Charlotte told me later she thought that she had played the entire evening flawlessly
(Capote holds the door to the cab open for Charlotte)
CAPOTE: So, what are you doing next Saturday?
CHARLOTTE: I’m having dinner with you. (Kisses him and gets into cab)
CAPOTE: Hey, wait, you're going to the West Side, right?
CHARLOTTE: Right, West 4th and Bank, please (to Cab Driver)
CAPOTE: Hey, scoot over, will ya? (Gets into cab) Two stops, 4th and Bank, and West Broadway and Broom (Cab pulls away)
CHARLOTTE: You're going to Chaos?
CAPOTE: Oh yeah!
CAPOTE: Look, I understand where you're coming from and I totally respect it, but I really need to have sex tonight!
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) Back at Chaos, things were swinging into high gear and Samantha was putting the moves on Mr Big
BIG: I've been smoking cigars for years, back when they were terminally uncool
SAMANTHA: I've got this great source that sends me Hondurans. Do you want to try one?
BIG: No, thank you
SAMANTHA: Really? You can't find them anywhere
BIG: Cohibas, that’s all I smoke. (lighting cigar for Samantha who puffs it suggestively)
SAMANTHA: (with a soft voice, and leaning in) Look I do the PR for this club and I have the key to the private room downstairs
SAMANTHA: You want a private tour?
BIG: No thanks, but maybe another time
(Samantha sits back annoyed and puffs on her cigar)
(Cut to Skipper and Miranda leaving the club)
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) Meanwhile Skipper Johnston was hopelessly smitten with Miranda Hobbes
SKIPPER: So where are we going now?
MIRANDA: Listen Skippy, you know you're a nice, sweet guy but…
SKIPPER: Oh, I understand
MIRANDA: (kisses him on the cheek) Goodnight.
(He pulls her back and pushes her against a wall, and kisses her passionately)
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) Miranda told me later that she thought he was too nice, but that she was willing to overlook one flaw
(Cut to Capote’s apartment)
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) Capote Duncan found his fix for the night
(Samantha and Capote enter giggling)
SAMANTHA: Where is it? I wanna see the Ross Blechner
CAPOTE: Wait, later. Later (They kiss passionately) Oh listen, I uh, I gotta get up really early, and actually you can't stay over. Cool?
SAMANTHA: Sure, I have to get up really early too
(Capote kisses Samantha’s neck and moves downwards, Samantha smiles)
(Cut to Carrie standing outside Chaos trying to hail a cab)
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) and so another Friday night in Manhattan crept towards dawn, and just when I thought I would have to do the unspeakable, walk home…
(A big black car pulls up, with Big in the back seat)
BIG: Well, get in for Christ’s sake (Carrie smiles and gets in the car) Where can I drop you?
CARRIE: 72nd Street and 3rd Avenue
(Cut to inside the car)
BIG: Have you got that Al?
AL: (Driver) Yes, sir
BIG: So, what have you been doing lately?
CARRIE: You mean, besides going out every night?
BIG: Yeah, I mean what do you do for work?
CARRIE: Well, this is my work, I'm sort of a sexual anthropologist
BIG: You mean like a hooker?
(They both smile)
CARRIE: No, I write a column called Sex and the City. Right now, I'm researching an article about women who have sex like men (Big looks confused) You know, they have sex and then afterwards they feel nothing
BIG: But you're not like that
CARRIE: Well, aren’t you?
BIG: (Shakes his head) Not a drop, not even half a drop
CARRIE: Wow, what’s wrong with you?
BIG: I get it, you’ve never been in love
CARRIE: Oh yeah?
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) Suddenly I felt the wind knocked out of me. I wanted to crawl under the covers and go right to sleep
(Car pulls over, and Carrie gets out)
CARRIE: Thanks for the ride
(Carrie shuts her car door and walks away, then turns back to the car and knocks on the window)
CARRIE: Wait (The window opens) Have you ever been in love?
BIG: Abso- fuckin’-lutely. (Car drives off)