501. Anchors Away
When you are single and live in New York, there is no end to the ways to fill your days:Museums, parks, theaters, concert halls, nightclubs and countless restaurants. But one of the most amazing things about living in a city like New York, is that any night of the week you can go to Paris.
- Joy for Two for one. - Enjoy the show. - Thank you.
It was one of those perfect New York nights...
That fucking Richard.
... followed by a less than perfect New York day.
He left another "I'm sorry" message on my machine. Like the "I'm sorries" are gonna make up for the fact that I caught him eating another woman's pussy.
It's okay. Nothing has to change.
- Just think of this as a big purse. - Miranda, your purse just spit up.
You'd think after three weeks of no returned calls, he'd get the message: "Not okay to eat another woman's pussy."
- Samantha, Brady. - I'm pissed off, Charlotte. What the hell am I supposed to say?
Call it "sushi." Another woman's "sushi."
Fine. Richard ate another woman's sushi.
Fish and chips would have been such an unfortunate order right now.
- What did you do last night? - Went to a movie.
- With who? - Myself.
On date night?
Are we still gonna have to call it "date night" in our 50s?
I'd think that all the people would be looking at me thinking, "That poor, pathetic girl."
- Like the way I'm looking at you right now? - What?
- You don't go out alone? - On date night?
You're never alone in New York. It's the perfect place to be single. The city is your date.
- You're dating the city? - For about 18 years. It's getting serious. I think I'm in love.
Do not check your messages again.
I'm not. I just wanted you to all hear his tone on my machine.
If you keep participating in this, you might as well call him.
I'm not participating.
This has got to stop. Yes, it's tragic that you were in love and it didn't work out. But you have got to emotionally cut him out of your life and move on. And the sooner the better. Everyone knows you only get two great loves in your life.
- Everyone who? Where did you get that? - I read it in a magazine.
- What magazine? Convenient Theories For You Monthly? - What does that mean?
It means last year when you were married, you believed a woman only got one great love.
And that phrase "great love," what does it even mean?
It means a love that changes you, that shakes you to your core after which you're never the same. Seriously, there is not an unlimited amount of love in the world. It's rare.
Way to take the edge off a club sandwich.
So far, I've only had one: Trey. How many great loves have you had?
- Zero. - Really? What about Steve? - Steve's a friend, not a core-shaker.
I'm done with great love. I'm back to great lovers.
- You? - I refuse to define love in those limited terms.
- I had to. - Come on, Carrie. Aidan and Big.
One, two. And according to you, I'm done.
No, it was a stupid article. It was at the dentist.
It's too late for that now. You said it. It's over for me. "Here lies Carrie. She had two loves, and lots of shoes."
Fuck love. I gave you "sushi." I need "fuck."
After a light lunch, Miranda stopped to set down a heavy load.
- You want me to carry him? - No, I'm fine. I just got to switch.
Ladies, seamen, 12:00.
I pray, when I turn around, there are sailors. Because with her, you never know.
Wow! We have just spotted our first sailors. Fleet Week has begun.
Fleet Week is that one week a year when the U.S. Naval ships dock and our fair city is made even fairer, with cute, sweet American sailors looking for fun.
I've been so distracted by Richard that I almost forgot my favorite holiday.
- Fleet Week isn't a holiday. - It should be.
Sort of the antidote to Valentine's Day.
This is just what I need. I'm gonna ask them about the big party.
Hold on there, Pearl Harbor. Not interested.
Why? We always have fun when we go.
Me running through Times Square in heels, trying to find a cute sailor to kiss? That ship has sailed. Pun intended.
We have to show them a good time. It's our patriotic duty as women of New York.
If you want to do your patriotic duty as a New York woman, you will come shopping with me right now and throw some much-needed money downtown.
- I'm in. - I'm in.
- I forgot the snugli. - Let's get you a cab home. There's one. Taxi!
- It's okay. - Okay, so I'll call you later? - Overspend for me. - Okay.
- Bye, Brady. - I'm okay. I got it.
Bye-bye. I'll call you later.
Miranda suddenly found herself moving slowly away from her old life, and quickly into her new one.
Poor baby. Boy, pink thing. Boy, look at that pink face. Dear, let Magda help.
I'm good. I've got it. You just keep doing the thing. The mirror. I'll get the baby nurse to put him down for a nap.
- On floor? - Lina.
Is that my big boy?
Hi. What are you doing here?
I just came over to hang with B-boy. Magda let me in.
Hey, champ. Want half a sandwich? Where did you get a... Okay. Steve, I can't have you "hang" right now. I've got a schedule. I've got to get Brady down for a nap now, or he won't sleep tonight.
- Lina! - How's your nipples?
- Excuse me? - Lina said sometimes they get sore.
Would you get Brady ready for his nap? And please don't talk to Steve about my nipples. Thanks.
- Don't blame her. I asked. - You just randomly asked about my nipples?
- Yeah, I talk about your nipples to strangers all the time. - Bye.
The bum's rush? I came over to help.
I appreciate that, but I don't need help. I've hired help and we've got everything under control.
- Okay, so thanks for the eats. - Okay.
Have a good evening, Mrs. MacDougal.
Charlotte realized she may have put Great Love Number One behind her, but his name was still in front of her.
Break-ups: Bad for the heart, good for the economy.
It's the bad guy again. And I'll keep calling till you agree to talk. So unless you want 20 messages every day, you'll meet me tonight for a drink. I miss you. I'll be waiting, gorgeous.
... wrong restaurant.
Richard Wright? Thank you.
Hello, gorgeous. In a wildly optimistic gesture, I ordered you a Dirty Martini.
Dirty Martini? Dirty bastard.
I've always wanted to do that, but I don't think I could pull it off. How did it feel?
Fabulous. But I woke up this morning even angrier. I need to hurt him more. I can't even be around that man. He's dangerous and toxic.
- So, he's manthrax? - Arrogant prick.
I wonder what he was gonna say.
What could he say? That he loves me. That we belong together. That he didn't mean to hurt me.
People make mistakes. I cheated on Aidan. He gave me a second chance. And look how well that turned out.
- That was different. - True. It wasn't the sushi situation.
And that's another thing. I'm not doing the baby talk at breakfast. I signed up for friendship, not some PC bullshit baby brunches.
You're overreacting. Brady won't happen every day.
He'd better not.
Miranda's still Miranda. She had a baby, not a lobotomy. She knows you're not child-friendly.
Don't kid yourself. The days of "pussy" and "fuck" are gone.
Later that night, I got to thinking about days gone by. That carefree time when our schedules were as wide open as our hearts. The time before the baggage and break-ups and babies began to weigh us all down. I couldn't help but wonder: does that sense of adventure still flicker inside of us? Or when it comes to being carefree single girls, have we missed the boat?
Surprise. Pain au chocolat. I'm sorry. I don't know you. I'm Carrie. I'm a friend of...
- Hi. This is Lina. Come on in.
- Does she speak? - No. I love her.
Were we supposed to do something and I forgot to write it down?
I had the whole day free, thought I'd stop by for a little chatty.
Fatty, come on. I gotta sit.
So, are you hungry? I brought some pain au chocolat.
Thanks, but the only eating I'm concerned with now is Brady. He doesn't seem to want to eat.
- Perhaps he's anorexic. - Sorry, what? - It's a dumb joke.
- What was it? - Anorexic.
No, I've been trying to feed him for an hour, and he won't latch on... Stop, boring. What's up with you?
I've been thinking about that thing that Charlotte said in the coffee shop.
About the great loves? Here we go.
Maybe Aidan and Big are my two great loves now. But that doesn't mean that I'm always gonna feel that way about them.
Come on, Brady. It's right here. Okay, you don't want it? Fine. Here we go.
There, in the middle of my two great loves, were Miranda's two great breasts.
- I'm sorry, what? - Your breasts are huge.
No, what were you saying about... I can't even remember. This is so frustrating.
He'll eat eventually.
Not that. This is frustrating. I can't follow your thoughts. It's all about nursing and nipples.
Sweetie, they're looking right at me.
I am not gonna become one of those mothers who cannot carry on an adult conversation. I am not. Three weeks ago, I would've been listening to you and saying funny things back. Now I'm going, "What, what?" I didn't even get the anorexic joke. How easy was that?
I'm just talking. Just "blah, blah." It's just words.
They're not just words. They're your words. And it's not just now. What about Samantha? Could she have gotten me into that cab any faster? My friendships are important to me.
We're not going anywhere. I mean, maybe things will have to change a little.
- Fuck. - I know. But you're still one of us. Only now, you're the one with the biggest boobs.
Can you believe the size of my nipples?
Please, I was not at all prepared. I'm gonna have to go find some sort of trauma counseling.
There. We have contact.
Okay, I'm gonna go. I'll let you concentrate on Mr. Hobbes there.
You don't have to go. I can listen now. I can do it.
Miranda, you're a mother. But it's okay. I won't tell anyone.
Don't. What are you gonna do all day?
First a trip to the Guggenheim, and then lunch, and then... who knows? It's New York.
- Hot date with your city? - Exactly. See that? You listened, and we had the witty repartee. Bye.
That same afternoon, Charlotte felt like going to a movie. So she called her afternoon movie friend, Anthony.
Carrie says that the French film at the Paris is amazing.
Fuck the French. Like I need to spend an afternoon looking at that drippy shit. Good hat, though.
- Thanks. What do you wanna see? - Anything with Josh Hartnett.
I don't know who that is.
He's cute with a capital...He totally checked you out. You should go back and get his number.
- He's a sailor. - I know. Go, hurry, he's getting away.
- No, I can't do that. - You are so not gay. - What am I gonna do with him?
Fuck him. Put him into that Park Avenue, pink-shirt, flaccid-peepee mojo you've been dragging around.
I'm not dragging anything around. As a matter of fact, I changed my name back to "York" on my mailbox.
Good for you. Now maybe you should be thinking about a different box. When's the last time you had sex? If you have to think about it, it's been too long.
- When was the last time you... - 10:30 today, at the gym.
I'm not looking for just sex. I can have just sex. I'm looking for my next great love.
Don't let it hit that six-month mark because after that it's just a sleigh ride into menopause. I'm serious. If you don't put something in there soon, it'll grow over. What is it with this frigging wind?
As Charlotte and Anthony made a left, Samantha found herself in the right neighborhood: Richard Wright's.
- Here you go. - Thank you. One for you.
Ma'am, it's against city law to deface public property.
This man said he loved me and I caught him eating another woman's pussy.
Carry on, ma'am.
New York weather, like a man, can be unpredictable. But that's part of the fun. And a New York Museum, like a man, can sometimes be closed when you wish they were open. That's another reason I love New York. Just like that, it can go from bad to cute.
I guess we're not going anywhere for a while. I love the way the rain smells. If this were a French movie, we'd fall in love and get married. No, I was just pointing out how romantic this would be in a movie. I don't wanna marry you. Okay, I do. No, come on, I'm kidding. I mean, we just met. Let's wait five minutes. I don't even wanna get married. I was engaged last year and if I didn't wanna marry him, I...
- Singles at the counter. - I was hoping to get a table...
- Singles, counter. Two. - Okay, thank you. - Who's next?
Several wet blocks later, I decided to warm up with a bowl of New York matzo-ball soup.
Come on, let's go!
That manager's really a prick. I put up with it because I come here all the time. They know me. I live in the neighborhood. We single gals gotta have a port in the storm. Am I right? Lithium. I like to sprinkle it on my ice cream.
- You ever try it? - No. Can't say that I have.
- What kind of mood elevator are you on? - I'm not on one.
Yeah? I used to be like you, then I broke up with this guy. This was '82. Morty. Thought somebody better would come along. Never happened. I love this!
If Charlotte was right, this woman's two great loves were a man named Morty, and lithium-laced ice cream. After 20 minutes squatting under the coffee-shop hand dryer, I realized I'd been kidding myself. New York and I didn't have the perfect relationship.
It was dismissive, abusive, and it made me feel desperate. I was now fresh out of great loves.
- Hey, sir... Thank you. - Should I?
Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Louis Leroy. This is Bill Hope and Paul Watkins, and we'd like to invite you to a Navy party tonight.
- Feel free to bring some girlfriends. - Yeah, feel very free.
I don't know why I was fighting it. This is gonna be fun.
Exactly what we needed. Three single gals back on the town.
What's the longest you've gone without sex?
You don't get that info without dinner and a drink.
- Next week will make it six months. - Watch it.
Thanks. You threw me, and I lost my concentration.
I am gonna have sex with a sailor tonight.
- She almost got me on that one.
I'm serious. I have to have sex to put Mrs. Trey MacDougal behind me. I'm a whole new Charlotte York.
- What about the great love? - Maybe that was bullshit. - Gotcha!
- How are we gonna find your sailor? - We'll find him.
- God bless America! - The important thing is to stick together, or we'll get lost.
And uptown, another woman found herself in a confusing navel situation.
Look, Brady. There's your bellybutton. Help me!
Twenty freaked-out minutes later...
I can't do this. I'm prepared for the expected, but I'm not prepared for the unexpected. I can't schedule shit like this. And the people that you hire won't help you with shit like this.
Where's the cat?
God, Steve, it's gross. Help me, it's gross.
Relax, I'll give you a hand.
He may not be a core-shaker, but Steve was there when she was shaken to the core.
You looking for someone?
My girlfriends. This party's like the Bermuda Triangle for women. That's a little sailor joke.
- You're funny. You remind me of my mom. - Bye-bye.
- Evening, miss. - Ahoy, matey. Nice dickey.
Meanwhile, I still had not found Charlotte, but Charlotte had found an officer who wasn't a gentleman.
Show me your tits?
I can't do that. I barely know you. Okay, then just show me one. It's an order.
The old Charlotte would've had him court-martialed. But the new Charlotte...
... had a deadline.
...if it's an order.
- Oh, Jesus! - Carrie!
- I was just looking for you, I didn't... - No. This is Officer Matt Cook.
I'll see you later.
- I can't do this. Let's just talk. - It's your call, ma'am.
Turns out Charlotte was caught somewhere between the old and new York. But she figured showing her boob to a relative stranger bought her another three months.
There you are! Where's Charlotte?
Believe it or not, she's involved in a little peepshow upstairs.
I'm really starting to have a newfound respect for that girl.
What is it about today? I've seen Miranda's boobs, I've seen Charlotte's boob. Why not just show me yours and get it over with? I was kidding.
I wasn't. That ought to hook me a sailor.
Yeah, it'll Tailhook you one. Look, I'm going. I was right. This ship has sailed. And tragically, I'm still on it. Good night. Keep an eye on Boom-Boom up there.
- Hey, there. You came. - Yes, I came, I saw. I'm leaving.
Come on, I've come all the way from Louisiana to dance with a New York City girl. I'm a good dancer.
Even though she was floating in a sea of dickeys...
1 new message and 12 saved messages.
... Samantha could only think about Richard.
You threw a drink in my face and papered my neighborhood. Would I still be calling if I didn't really love you? I love you, gorgeous. Give me another chance.
You threw a drink in my face and papered my neighborhood. Would I still be calling if I didn't really love you?
Say, Louis from Louisiana. How many great loves do you think you get in a lifetime?
- Great loves? - That is the question on deck. - Maybe one, if you're lucky.
I'm glad I stayed. After the way this city kicked my ass today, I needed that dance.
I have to say, this is my first trip to New York. Not for me. I mean, the garbage, the noise, I don't know how you put up with it.
- Thanks. Good night. - Wait. Going home all alone? It's rough out there. - It isn't so bad.
If Louis was right, and you only get one great love, New York may just be mine. And I can't have nobody talking shit about my boyfriend. A short while later, I had a thought…
Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe you have to let go of who you were, to become who you will be.